Ways I'm a fraud

“Spirituality is not possible without vulnerability.” - Brené Brown

Do you ever feel like you are a fraud? Or that your organization is a fraud? Like you aren’t embodying what you claim to be? Maybe those insecurities can sometimes help our work and organizations become more effective.

“In fact, you are a fraud,” a Quaker elder said to me, in response to my concerns about how a training about nonviolence that I had just led went.

“Ouch,” I thought. She went on, “You are personally a fraud sometimes, but the message of nonviolence that you are carrying is true.” She pointed out the necessary tension between the aspirations I was following and my limited abilities. If I didn’t feel this painful tension, I might be in trouble. At this time, I was avoiding conflict on many fronts, while also teaching others to nonviolently and proactively lean into conflict. The night before this particular training, I had invented a whole new model for teaching conflict resolution. I thought it was brilliant. The participants in the training didn’t agree.

I still sometimes feel like a fraud. Much of my work now seeks to support groups to get their egos out of the way so they can effectively serve a purpose greater than narrow self-interest. As I do this work, my ego is frequently alive, kicking, and defensive, acting as an obstacle for the work I’m doing. Recent experiences have reminded me of this.

For several years, I’ve been fortunate to meet on a regular basis with elders from my Quaker community, who provide spiritual support and accountability for the work I am doing. They both help me admit where I’m feeling like a fraud, and they help me reorient myself away from downward spirals of criticism to humble steps to move in the directions I’m called.

I often pray to be molded and shaped. The Quaker elders that I meet with have reminded me that sometimes the shaping of my clay can involve God taking away chunks of who I think I am, or adding new pieces. Some recent experience where I’ve felt like a fraud, or felt rejected, or felt insufficient seem to be a part of this process, an invitation to burn away parts of myself that are getting in the way.

I encourage organizations I work with to quickly develop prototypes of their visions and then fail early and often to maximize learning and keep improving the services they are offering. The universe has been reminded me in the past month to seek out risk and failures in my own consulting work, to maximize my learning and shaping. So with this post, I want to say back to the universe, “Bring it on!”

Most important goals for the world: The results

Earlier this month, I asked you what the most important long-term goals for the world were. Thank you to the 53 people who completed the survey so far. Thank you for playing along! Here is a visual representation of the results. The larger the font, the more votes that item received.
Click on the map to see a larger version of the image. To see the full results, click here.

Of course, all of these possible goals are interrelated. In a comment to a previous post, Tom Jablonski said, "It seems like so many of the problems that plague our world today, the poverty and homelessness, are symptoms of a world view based on production and consumption, where a few people profit at the expense of many."

I agree with Tom. One way I would describe the foundation that links all of these goals is the need to move from ego-centric to eco-centric ways of being, so we can act on behalf of the whole. This shift in our worldviews is needed to support the Great Turning, the cultural transformation from unsustainable industrial growth to cultures that sustain life.

What do you see as the foundation that links all these long-term goals? How do you discern your role in contributing to these goals, individually and as communities?

What long-term goals for the world are most important to you?

This month I'm turning 40. I'm using this as an excuse to reflect on the last 40 years and the next 40 years in the world and in my life. As a part of that reflection, I made up this survey, to ask you what you think are the most important long-term goals for the world. It is meant to be a reflection exercise, not a scientific survey.

I'm making a more detailed list of projections, visions, and goals for the next 40 years. I welcome your help adding to that list on this editable document. I'm also making a similar list of historical events that have shaped my world in the past 40 years. You can also help me edit that document.

Living in the tension between presence and vision

I'm feeling a tension between two dynamics:



To be faithful and live with integrity, we need to honor both sides of this tension.

I'm currently working as the Interim Executive Director for City House. We connect folks in the mainstreams and the margins for spiritual friendship. As we're discerning ways to take the organization to its next level, we're affirming that the practice of being present and loving without trying to change people is central to our work. At the same time, I think we're being called to do our work in service of the broader goal of "building the spiritual muscle to end homelessness and poverty." That goal pushes us into risks and partnerships that I think we need.

How can we do both of these things--be present and open without an agenda, and also commit to bold goals that inspire results?

Learning from the margins of your organization

Who are the people on the margins of your organization, or your community? The people who used to participate, but left? Clients who don't have input into decisions about the organization? Maybe those who are mentally ill, homeless, or refugees? Those with different political or religious beliefs than the mainstream of your group?

How do you move toward people on the margins and learn from them? In my work with organizations, I find that the wisdom and energy needed for groups to shift in positive directions often can't happen until the group learns from and incorporate the leadership of those on the margins.

---

"You seem like a white, middle-class suburban guy with no problems. What do you struggle with?"

My friend Walter asked me this question. He had recently come out of a long period of homelessness and addiction, and he was always very open with me about his past and current struggles. Walter also testifies to everyone around him about how God turned his life around. I wanted to be as honest with Walter as he was with me. My relationship with Walter challenges me to stop pretending that I have it all together. Walter challenges me to allow myself to be changed in relationships, to be changed by God. In response to his question, I talked about the depression and suicides that have been around me throughout my life, and my struggle to move from withdrawn, numb places to being alive and engaged. We talked about lust and other forms of addiction that can take me away from God and myself. I also talked about the many privileges and comforts I've had throughout my life. As we've gotten to know each other better, I've started to challenge Walter more, about ways his spirituality might deepen with more listening and seeking out the spiritual truth that others have.

This fall Walter and I are going to do a series of presentations about "Spiritual Friendship Across Differences." One of those presentations will be at Twin Cities Friends Meeting (1725 Grand Ave., St. Paul) on December 12 at 9:45 am. We invite you to join us.

---

Connecting the mainstream and margins

This fall I'm serving as the interim executive director at City House, a nonprofit who has a mission of "connecting the mainstream and margins for mutual spiritual growth and transformation." I have volunteered with City House for several years, and I met my friend Walter through this volunteering. At City House we are asking how this practice of spiritual friendship across difference might be more fully unleashed in our communities. If you are drawn to this question, I invite you to an evening of discernment about the future of City House on Nov. 18. You don't need to need to have experience with the organization, just an interest in the questions we are asking.

---

In your life, organization, and community

We each have ways that we are in the mainstream of groups, and ways we are on the margins of groups. Within your organizations and communities, how are those mainstream/margins lines crossed for mutual learning and sharing of power?

I offer facilitation in organizations to increase clarity, consensus, and commitment, to help build more just and sustainable communities. I'm especially interested in helping design and facilitate inclusive, proactive processes that engage people who haven't traditionally been a part of organizational decision making. Please let me know if there are ways I can support organizations that you are connected with. I'm also grateful for your ideas, challenges, and suggestions.